It’s difficult to love your voice when you can’t hear its true tone. You are probably all well aware that when you listen to your voice played back on a recording, it sounds different–even strange. My transgender ladies say their voices sound awful. Some even say they feel disdain for themselves when they hear their recorded voices.

We’ve been conditioned to think that the way we hear our own voices is the way others hear them.

The reason our recorded voices sounds so different is because we have two hearing mechanisms–air conduction (sounds received only through our ears) and bone conduction (sounds interpreted in the brain through the vibration of the bones in our skulls). Each mechanism has its own unique properties that shape the sounds that we hear.

When we speak, both mechanisms (air & bone) actively interpret our own voices. When we hear ourselves on a recording, we are hearing only through air conduction. This sets up a miscalibration. We’ve been conditioned to perceive our voices differently from how they they really sound to others.

The truth is, we actually do sound to others the way we sound on a recording. Does that astound you? Dismay you?

Steps to Start Loving your Voice

Calibration is a necessary first step toward loving your voice. Use the recording function on your smart phone, or purchase an inexpensive recording device.

Warm up

First, warm up your voice with the exercise routines you’re using these days. If you don’t have a warm-up routine, consider the 30-Day Crash Course offered here through Suddenly Fem.

Next, record yourself saying these neutral phrases. Be sure you’re aware of what you’re thinking about as you say each phrase. Use an inflection pattern that best communicates your message:

The weather in August is hot.

I love sleeping late on Sundays.

The top on this jar is stuck.

Would like to meet at 5:00?

I’d like cream with my coffee, not milk.

Before you play back the recording, rate your voice on a scale of 1 to 5, with 5 meaning that you like your voice the best. Be honest with yourself. Did you use a feminine voice that appeals to you? Now, listen to your recorded voice and rate yourself again using the same scale. Is there a difference? Of course there is; you aren’t calibrated yet.

Finally, read these short stanzas taken from the longer poem/story by Dr. Seuss, “Cat in the Hat.” Be sure to be expressive as you read and be aware of your voice as you’re reading.

The sun did not shine.
It was too wet to play.
So we sat in the house
all that cold, cold, wet day.

I sat there with Sally.
We sat there, we two,
and I said, 'how I wish
we had something to do!'

Too wet to go out
and too cold to play ball.
So we sat in the house.
We did nothing at all.

So all we could do was to
sit!
sit!
sit!
sit!
And we did not like it
not one little bit.

As before, rate your voice on a scale of 1 to 5, prior to listening to the recording. Then, listen to your recording and rate yourself again using the same scale. Is there a difference?

This calibration method really works! Over the coming weeks, if you’re diligent with this routine, you’ll find yourself having a new relationship with your voice. Early love requires nurturing and time. As warm, loving feelings about your voice emerge, a huge opportunity will open before you so you can move into more focused techniques to shape your voice into its best expression of who your really are.

To find out more about Kathe and about voice training programs, we have produced a fabulous multi session podcast series where you can learn the fundamentals - right from Kathe herself; with tips, tricks and essential advice Click Here to Check Out Our Great Interactive Voice training Poscast Video Resource

You can also get started right away with Voice femininzation lessons with our specially collaborative training series - The 30-Day Voice Feminization Crash Course .

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